I’m having one of those bad days that has turned into almost a bad week and maybe a bad month. My brain is functioning in fits and starts and reminds me of an old car that doesn’t have all cylinders running at the same time. You know the kind, you get in and hope that it starts up, and just maybe, manages to get you to where you are going, BEFORE it completely dies and strands you by the side of the road. Those of us with chronic illness and thyroid disease know about these sorts of days.
It’s hard to explain to someone who doesn’t have a chronic illness about days and weeks like this. It’s not always something you did or didn’t do that causes it, or at least nothing you can always pinpoint as the cause. If you are lucky it will last a day, or a few hours. For me the last month it’s been intermittent. I’ll be ok for a few hours, then it will feel like a large animal is sitting on me draining my energy and making me feel weak. Then I’ll be down, for an hour, or the rest of the day.
I can go whole months without one of these days, where I can go and do things, as long as I pace myself, almost like a normal healthy person. It’s always in the back of my mind like some sinister villain, lurking, waiting for that chance to take you down, and make it be the worst possible timing. You are going to a wedding? Time to strike you down for a day, just the day you need the energy. Oh, you want to take care of a sick loved one? It will wait for you to go two or three days full speed ahead, and then as soon as you slow down for a second, BOOM, down you go!
The worst parts of this is the brain fog during these days. Things that you KNOW how to do, suddenly you forget. What’s my name? What’s my password, where do I live? Things that you have engraved into your mind are suddenly shrouded in fog. You start to forget basic things, plans, appointments, tasks and more. People get mad because they feel you just aren’t paying attention. What they don’t know is you couldn’t concentrate right then if your life depended on it! It’s not from lack of trying either. The more you try to grasp your mental abilities back, the more it slips thru your fingers. Very frustrating, when you normally are a fairly together type of person. For someone who tends towards Type A, it’s devastating.
When you have a few of these you start doing game plans. Notes go everywhere, on your calendar phone, on your computer, little yellow notes all over your house. Medicines and other things go in specific spots in an attempt to make sure you can remember to take what you need, so you don’t get worse. You enlist other people to help you remember. It’s the worst feeling out there. You have gone from competent person to idiot in minutes. You have no idea when or if it will get better. I’m here to tell you, it will eventually get better again, it just may decide to play with you for awhile before doing so.
Hang in there, I know mine will get better and so will yours!
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